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So.  Much.  Hate.

So yeah - I walked out on my re-mortgage application today.

Unpardonable sins the bank did:
  1. A general "system says no" approach.  If you're sat there mediating between me and a machine - why are you sat there?  I can push buttons too.
  2. Freaking messing me about.  Over three months ago things went fine - walk in, "I want a 10 year mortgage to cover my remaining payments and the other half of the house.  I can add this much deposit; and you can see how much I've been overpaying so far".  Agreement in principle, next appointment and list of things to bring, walk out.
  3. Apply for valuation, get it, valid for 90 days, no problem.
  4. Next appointment - no, they did things wrong at the first one; I have to first change the duration of my mortgage and only after that is processed can I then go on to buy the second half of my house.  Why?  Why wasn't this done at the first meeting?
  5. But fine, go through their stupid bureaucracy.  Go home and wait.
  6. Then they let me know that they didn't copy the documents I gave them, and have lost them; neither sending them back nor having them themselves.  So I rush around to get new copies.  By this point, I in fact need to find the next set of payslips and bank statements too.
  7. That arrives.  Duration of mortgage is extended.  New appointment, and they say what documents to bring.
  8. Where it turns out that, yes, we have to go through it all AGAIN.  ANOTHER agreement in principle.  Submit and... they need yet another set of documents that they didn't tell me to bring.  And, oh, dear, it's been more than a month since you changed the remaining term?  So now we can only do you 9 years and 11 months.  Which is fine, still very affordable; but oh, sorry, we can only do fixed periods of five years now.
  9. Barely manage to not scream and throw things.  Walk out.


I will seriously give reasonably large amounts of money to someone who makes this whole thing just go away.  Fantasies of this being done by assassination aside... any suggestions for a mortgage advisor?

And while I'm ranting - what the **** is up with conveyancing?  It's changing a single line in a database (property x is no longer owned by y, instead by z possibly with w having a lein).  Why does that cost a percentage of the property price?

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